Do Not Listen to This Overused Piece of Dating Advice
Before I met my now husband, I was working hard on my bachelor’s degree and not doing a whole lot of socializing. I started college later than most, and by the time I had received my associate’s degree and gotten halfway through my bachelor’s, I was 27.
When you’re spending time around college age people, you inevitably receive relationship and dating advice, whether you ask for it or not.
College kids are not good relationship models or mentors. Take everything you are told with a grain of salt, if you take it at all.
There is one piece of advice I was given by a female friend that stands out to me now, as a married woman, as completely useless if not detrimental for those looking to find a real relationship.
“Just stop looking and you’ll find someone.”
Had I stopped looking I would be as single as I was back then.
I met my husband on Tinder. Our paths would never have crossed had we not met on the app. And our marriage is beautiful. Our baby girl is beautiful. I have what I always dreamed of when it comes to love and marriage, and there’s so much more joy on the way.
If I took that advice, I wouldn’t have met him. My exposure to men would have been limited to my public university where I was older than most of the students.
This is bad advice beyond my unique situation. If you’re at the age where you’re out of college, where can you meet people?
At work, at the gym, at bars and clubs, or through mutual friends. Remember, you’re not looking if you take this advice! You’re waiting for a good man or woman (depending on who you are) to fall into your lap. You just want to get exposure to people you might be interested in and see where things go.
Spending 40+ hours a week at work, it’s unlikely you want to date anyone there. It’s also risky to do.
At the gym, the vast majority of people are trying to get their workout in and go home. Many are already in relationships.
Bars and clubs attract people who really enjoy alcohol. If you don’t want someone who drinks, or you don’t want someone who drinks to excess, this is likely a no go for you. Either that or it will require heavy filtering and lots of disappointment before you find someone you might want to spend time with.
And mutual friends always have a way of introducing you to someone you’re just not interested in. “I have just the guy for you!” Cue someone you are not at all physically attracted to. Physical attraction is one of the pillars of a good relationship. Without even an ounce of it, don’t even bother trying to get to know someone in a romantic context.
So where does this leave you? Do you just give up and stay single forever?
No! Dating apps are such an easy way to talk to people before committing to a date. And if you are someone who doesn’t get any matches on dating apps, you need to get someone to take some good, accurate pictures of you.
You also might need more practice talking to people. Maybe it’s time to work a bit on casual conversation and social skills. Without a lot of social interaction, anyone’s conversation skills can get a bit rusty.
Have fun with the dating process! You’ve got nothing to lose.
And, most importantly, don’t stop looking.
