How I Changed My Life In 2023: Mindset Shift
The Predictable Stuff
January 2024 is almost over and I’ve just now realized how much I changed in 2023.
I didn’t set out into the new year last year wanting to make any huge changes aside from one thing. My #1 goal was move, move, move the heck out of New England.
It was time to experience other parts of the country and find our own place to be. And by March we did move out of New England to the Midwest.
When we got here, I got to be the type of self-sufficient you can only really be when you live far from family. I set myself up with new doctors, set up prenatals at a new OB at 20-something weeks pregnant, found a new dentist, set up insurance for myself and my daughter, and we found an apartment to rent.
By the end of the year we had a second daughter, and I finally got around to going to a chiropractor again.
But all that stuff is boring! Those are just the regular admin tasks of adulthood. What this post is REALLY about is how my mindset and behaviors changed in 2023.
Here are the things that I’ve changed in 2023.
Mindset Shift
I’ve struggled with intrusive and incredibly negative thoughts and self-talk for a very long time.
Until this past year, I let myself feel like a victim of these thoughts instead of the author of them.
I don’t know exactly when it started, but I stopped giving them so much power. I stopped allowing myself to dwell on things I couldn’t control and made myself aware of those I could.
To be clear, I didn’t stop cold turkey. I still relapse at times into that same old negative thought spiral, the flurry of comparison with other people who seem to never struggle.
That and the why me? Why have all of these horrible things happened to me? The difference is now I’m able to regain my mental footing and move forward with my life instead of shutting down.
I can also cast aside any shame that brings up for me. I used to feel ashamed after feeling negative for a while.
Now I know (not just in my brain but in my heart) there is no shame in feeling down or feeling that things are unfair. I’ve developed a fair bit of self-compassion.
All of this has led to these little episodes becoming much shorter. There was a time in my life where they would last days, and now I can get out of that state in less than an hour.
Homeopathy
I started learning more about homeopathy and how to use remedies to help with trauma. My childhood was trauma-filled, to say the least, and my early adulthood wasn’t much better. Gabe and I have been together for almost 5 years and we have been through A TON of hardship together as well.
While at first I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, I now realize I hit the nail on the head in terms of remedies and made a lot of progress processing and healing the damage childhood trauma and trauma in adulthood has caused.
Faith
The other, probably most important thing that changed in my mindset last year was my faith. I became Christian in 2021, after the birth of my first daughter led me through what I can only describe as hell. I had an experience that confirmed something I had always suspected: God is real, He is with us always, and He wants the best for us.
Through the end of 2021 and all of 2022 I developed my faith further by reading the Bible for the very first time. I read Genesis to start, and moved through a few of the other books. To date I have read Genesis, Revelations, Jude, and John.
But the shift in 2023 was powerful. Once we moved I was able to focus more on growing my faith in God. I feel infinitely more secure in my relationship with God now than I ever have before. I take a lot of comfort in that.
I still have a lot to read and learn but for now I have incorporated prayer into my daily routine even in a time in my life where I don’t feel like I have time to read the Bible.
God has helped me to grow and learn and guided me this past year. I feel so much more peace having found my faith and I know that myself and my husband can make a great, positive impact on this world.
Boundaries
As you know by now, this past year I was pregnant and I gave birth to my second daughter in June. Pregnancy is a time where people can be very invasive.
I felt this strongly during my first pregnancy, where I was stressed out of my mind the entire time without everyone trying to see if I’d had my baby yet. Having learned from the experience, this time I didn’t share my due date.
I also only shared how I would deliver (repeat c-section) when I was 110% sure that’s what was happening. Anyone who messaged me trying to get information did not get that information (thankfully only one person did this).
No one knew my surgery date, not even my mom. She knew the original date, but my doctor called and asked if we could push it up two days so another woman could get in to be induced.
I said yes and didn’t tell her the new date. I didn’t want to feel anyone else’s nerves on the day of my surgery. We laughed about it after the fact because she had kind of figured it out anyway.
We also never shared names. The first time around we shared the #1 name we first considered for our first baby girl, and we ended up not using it. This time around I didn’t share any names until she was here.
All of these actions set me up to feel safer throughout my pregnancy. My delivery was so incredibly peaceful compared to my first.
I’ve continued to use these boundaries since I gave birth. I realized I don’t have to people please anymore, and I don’t plan to start back up now.
Onwards To 2024
2023 has been an eventful year. It’s so strange to me that in my early 30s I’ve changed so much. I always figured that change kind of ended in your 20s, other than the more obvious aging stuff!
I’m so excited for this year! I can’t wait to see what’s in store and take you along with me! Thanks for reading and I hope to see you back here for more posts.
Originally published at http://marthajohansson.com on January 28, 2024.
